Both of the appointments went very well. The pediatrician was very pleased with Brynn's ability to sit up all on her own. She was impressed with her growth curve, and was relieved to see her head size on the chart. Brynn's gross motor skills are coming along fine (rolling over like a champ, with lots of rocking back and forth like she is getting ready to crawl!). The doctor decided we didn't need a referral to a developmental specialist for any additional support in assisting Brynn achieve her milestones.
Our appointment with the cardiologist on April 13th went equally well, although the stress that it causes both Tony and I to return to the hospital with Brynn was very evident this visit. We were both clutching our chests, taking deep breaths, and trying to distract each other. Tony refuses to eat before Brynn is seen. He also doesn't stop talking. :) My way of coping is to focus entirely on Brynn and not engage in much conversation. His is to pull out his tablet and research dinner options for that night, read all the posted reviews, and then google map the directions (with back-up restaurants and routes of course) checking in with me frequently about my thoughts on Thai food vs. Italian. Somehow, we make it through together and are able to support one another during those looong mornings.
They start with height, weight, blood pressure, and O2 saturations. She was 16 lbs and 27 inches long. Her O2 saturations were between 85-90 (very good). They are never able to get her blood pressure with the cuff. The echo takes about an hour and Brynn was a little angle the whole time. She had a male technician which I think really helped (she is such a flirt) and even enjoyed trying to help move the wand over her chest and eat the sonogram gel. I was taken aback by the fact the technician knew us, and had apparently been present in the delivery room. At one point he looked down at Brynn and said "Remember the morning she was born? We were all so scared that she wouldn't make it. And here she is, doing so well and looking so beautiful." This pretty much confirmed my worst fears: that in fact all of pediatric cardiology and probably half the medical school has seen my vagina. I mean, just how many people were in that freaking delivery room??
Of course it was also a poignant moment and a reflection on the amazing journey we have been on with our little one. Our cardiologist reviewed the echo and said that everything looked great. All the medications and dosing will stay the same since she seems to be doing well on what she is taking and her growth isn't rapid enough for the medicines to lose their effectiveness. We go back in August, sometime after Brynn's first birthday. Holy cow. Brynn is going to be ONE YEAR OLD!
It is amazing to watch her growth and development. She says "da da" constantly and indiscriminately and "mmmmama"when she is distressed. She has TWO teeth! And her hair is long enough for two adorable pig tails. She loves her jumper, loves to practice walking while you hold her two hands, loves music, bath time, story time, and loves to throw things over the side of her high chair and stroller (as long as you pick them right back up for her). Brynn loves being outside, loves to look at animals, and loves to make "migraine pie" as Tony calls it with mixing spoons and a large bowl. She is curious, silly, active, and interested in anything that lights up or makes noise (hide your laptops and remotes). She fits into her 9 month clothing and even some clothes that are sized a little larger. We can't wait to take her swimming this summer!
She is of course still sleeping in our bed. This continues to be a struggle. I love snuggling with her all night long. Tony hates being kicked in the ribs, pinched on the arms, and slapped in the face. Sometimes, she sleeps sideways between us with her head next to Tony's face and her feet in my stomach. Sometimes her wet diapers leak on our expensive sheets. Sometimes she thrashes around so violently you might think an earthquake was happening. But every night when I am putting her to bed and I crawl in next to her, I just soak up her peaceful breathing, milky baby smell, soft skin, and chubby little hands that stroke my arm as she is falling asleep. What can I say? I'm in love! And love makes you do foolish things. Sometimes laying down with her at night is the best part of my day. It's hard to give that all up, even when I'm being kicked in the face an hour later.
Currently, Brynn is having a rough time with her teeth. She is chewing on everything and often seems to be in pain. She constantly whines. She is clingy, frustrated, and furious at us if we walk out of the room (or even if we sit in the room but are not actively engaging her). This is a very recent change to our once independent baby who could happily entertain herself for up to an hour in her jumper, swing, or under her mobile. Apparently, she actually had a full on tantrum yesterday with the nanny and had a complete meltdown with me the other night because I brushed my teeth before getting into bed with her. She wanted Mommy NOW.
We are trying to make the transition to soft table foods and continue to make sure she gets enough calories and nutrition through the formula. We are trying to ease her tooth pain with frozen chew toys, pain relief, and distraction. We are trying not to worry that her change in appetite and disposition could mean something more.
I guess thats what it means to be the parent of a heart baby. You are reminded during cardiology appointments when you see all those sick children (the ones with feeding tubes and facial deformities, the ones so puffy from steroids they look like they are about to burst, and the ones so tiny and frail you can't imagine how they are walking around) that things could get so much worse. There could be a day (like there was in the past) when your baby is in here really sick. You worry that any changes mean something bad instead of normal growth and development. I'm not really sure how to cope with that. Except that we have to and we have to keep focusing on everything going well.
We are reminded constantly of the blessings we have and look forward to a beautiful summer where we will hopefully get to see Brynn walk for the first time, swim for the first time, and eat her first piece of birthday cake. And possibly, maybe, quite probably (if Tony has anything to do with it) we might get to see Brynn sleep in her own bed.
