As you can see from the pictures we are home! Brynn was discharged from the hospital last Monday, exactly one month from the day she was born and one day after my original due date. As you might remember, the two hurdles we had to jump over were three days of consecutive weight gain and placement of the feeding tube. Brynn had the three consecutive days of weight gain and after much fuss and worry Tony and I sucked it up and learned how to place the feeding tube.
We were very blessed to have the nurse we both trusted and adored show us how to place the tube. This nurse was kind and patient but very firm with us and knowledgeable about what had to be done. I held Brynn's head while the nurse helped Tony insert the tube and tape it down. She talked us through the whole process and gave us lots of encouragement and moral support. Thankfully, she also replaced the tube which all along I had thought was too big with a much smaller tube. Overall the experience was much less traumatic than I had anticipated, and I think Brynn ended up being more comfortable with the smaller tube. I went home for the night to get some sleep and was on my way back to the hospital in the late morning when Tony called to say the doctors had rounded and agreed that we could be discharged that afternoon.
I could hardly believe it! We had hoped and prayed that they would let us go home but nothing is set in stone until they doctors say so. I spent a few minutes running around trying to figure out what our next steps were. We had accumulated quite the collection of clothes, paperwork, baby gifts, toiletries, and personal items (hello, breast pump!) at my parents place. In addition, we had piles of baby clothes, blankets, and medical supplies at the hospital. Luckily, my mom hadn't left for work yet and she agreed to take the day off to get us packed up and bring all of our stuff over the the apartment. I left for the hospital where Tony and I spent the next few hours reviewing the discharge paperwork, setting up follow-up appointments, and getting Brynn prepared to leave the hospital walls for the first time.
It was an unbelievable and surreal experience when we finally had all the paperwork signed, bags packed, and appointments made and were able to pick up our daughter and walk outside. I kept thinking someone was going to stop us or tell us they had made a mistake and that we weren't really allowed to leave. Thankfully, we had an uneventful trip home (Brynn was apparently unimpressed with the great outdoors since she slept the whole way home) and were greeted by my mother who had cleaned up our apartment and stocked the kitchen with groceries.
Since we've been home it has been a period of adjustment, joy, amazement, and of course more exhaustion. I might have said this before but I'm not sure I ever fully prepared myself for actually having a A BABY! I prayed and hoped and wished with everything I had that we would bring her home safely but I didn't dare spend a lot of time thinking about what life would be like with an infant. I guess I was taking things day by day. This worked well for me during the months of uncertainty and fear but perhaps did not prepare me physically, mentally, and emotionally to actually bring home an infant with unique and demanding needs. The last two weeks have been a crash course in baby.
Brynn's needs and the requirements to care for her did not magically disappear just because we left the hospital walls. Tackling her feeding tube and administering medications has been a process. Monitoring her calorie intake and volume can be tedious. Weighing her and tracking her 02 stats and heart rate is burdensome. And doing all of this while being more sleep deprived then I have ever been in my life is a challenge all on its own. Thankfully, we have had wonderful and amazing support from friends and family. Frozen meals have been especially helpful. My mother coming over every day for the last week to do laundry and dishes and sit with Brynn while I catch up on sleep has been my saving grace. I'm not sure how I am going to cope when she goes back to work next week.
There have been times during the week that I have felt so overwhelmed and exhausted I'm not sure I'm physically capable of mixing another bottle or drawing up more medication. In these moments I feel disappointed in myself for feeling even a little bit resentful. I go back to reminding myself how lucky we are that Brynn is here and that we have her at home. I dig a little a deeper inside myself than I have ever had to before and make sure I hum to her while I fix her bottle, and sing to her while I put meds in her tube, and rock her while trying to get her to go back to sleep. Truly, we are blessed beyond even what we could have imagined. I think of people with multiple babies, or the woman we shared a room with at the hospital who had six other children waiting at home for her. I was chosen by God to have this baby, and that means He gave me the strength to take care of her. Even at three in the morning.
Brynn's progress has been amazing. She has continued to gain weight daily and her stats have been perfect since we've been home. We have been to the pediatrician and back to the cardiologist and both of them were very impressed with how well she is doing and how good she looks. So much so that they agreed on Wednesday that we could take out her feeding tube and do all of the feeds by mouth! Brynn has been much more comfortable without that tube to choke and make her gag throughout the night. She is eating better and sleeping for longer periods. Everyday she becomes more alert, grows stronger, and gets cuter.
Our return date for her next surgery is November 7th. Until then, our goals are continued weight gain, not getting sick, and lots of snuggling. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, support, and understanding. We are so grateful for this time together as a family and hopeful that the next six weeks will continued to be blessed with good health and the wonder that is this little life.
