Meltdowns and due dates...

This has been a difficult and exhausting week.

It started with a frustratingly slow referral from my OB for physical therapy. I have been experiencing increasingly bad back, hip, and leg pain that has decreased my mobility and caused bouts of insomnia. The spasms are so intense I often wake up in the middle of the night and hunch over the toilet due to nausea caused by the pain. Walking, sitting, and lying down are all pretty excruciating most of the time. Despite my frequent complaints and requests my otherwise competent OB is apparently unfamiliar with how to make a referral to an in-network physical therapist covered by my HMO. Three weeks and 4o phone calls later I finally have my first appointment scheduled...in 10 days.

In addition, we received two of what I assume will be many dreaded letters from our HMO reporting "the requested service has been denied". Although these letters ended up being a misunderstanding due to our surgeon having two listings they still caused a series of nightmare scenarios in my head that all ended with Tony and I homeless and destitute due to medical bills and expenses not covered by our insurance. I am so grateful for my mother who happens to be a manager in my healthcare network. She picked up the phone or sent off emails countless times this week to get to the bottom of the letters and failed referrals. I don't know what I would do without her.

We had our appointment yesterday with the OB. I was looking forward to firming up delivery plans and scheduling my last day of work. With all of the stress facing us and all of the physical pain I have been in it has been difficult getting up and going to work every day. My job requires a great deal of empathetic nurturing and can be physically demanding, especially during the summer. I have really had a hard time keeping up with my responsibilities and being emotionally available to my clients and their families. It didn't seem like a completely off the wall time to bring up starting my leave on disability.

Apparently, I was way out of line. Despite being told by the neonatologist last week that I should expect to be induced around 36 weeks (3 short weeks away), I apparently cannot start my disability leave a day before the 36 week mark. My doctor even went so far as to say I was jeopardizing her medical license to even be asking. She also informed me that she opted to not take her leave at all when she was pregnant and "worked right up till the end.". Thanks for sharing! She finally agreed that I fall into a high risk pregnancy category and could be delivered at 39 weeks, allowing her to start my leave at 35 weeks (approximately August 5th). She also reported that the likelihood of them inducing me at 36 weeks was very low due to the risks it presents to the baby.

So...imagine our confusion today at the Heart Center when the cardiologist told us not only should we expect to deliver at 36 weeks but that she is recommending they don't even try to induce me and just schedule a C-Section. Again, this afternoon was filled with frustrations. The technician was very sweet but little Brynn refused to get into a good position (she only wanted to show off the side of her heart that functions perfectly) and as a result it took them 90 minutes to try and get decent images of the duct (I am very very sore). Finally, the tech gave up and just went to get the doctor.

We were hoping for the same sweet doctor who has followed us the last three times and were disappointed to come face to face with the cardiologist we call Dr. Gloom and Doom. Her bedside manner leaves something to be desired to say the least. She informed us that the duct is "progressively restricting" and that she feels this will cause additional complications and health risks at the time of delivery. For this reason she doesn't feel it is safe to induce me since I could still take hours or even days to deliver and she believes the medical team needs to be prepared and present at the moment of birth. She requested that we come back next week for an additional echo and that we ONLY BE SEEN BY HER for the remainder of our echos.

I told her the OB's concerns about delivering the baby early. She said she will call the OB with the echo's findings. I will let them duke it out. I contacted the OB by email as well to inform her, and I emailed the cardiologist Tony and I like and feel most comfortable with asking her to review the scan and give us her medical opinion.

Like I said, it has been a exhausting and frustrating week. Luckily, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband. And we are so lucky to have such incredible friends and family who keep our spirits high with their hope and prayers.

So it looks like we might get to finally meet our little Brynn in as little as 3 weeks. It certainly seems like she cannot wait to get here! Our goal six weeks ago was to make it to 36 weeks (which they told us would probably not happen) so I am grateful and prepared to deliver her then if that is what they tell me is best. Please pray that no matter how Brynn arrives she will be given the best care and the best chance possible.