Two more weeks!

Friday we received some welcome news from the OB and the Heart Center: The duct hasn't changed in size since last week. Both the OB and the Heart Center reported that Brynn's heart function looks good and she continues to get bigger every week.

All of my blood work came back normal and my weight gain is steady (measuring exactly 30 centimeters at 30 weeks). The OB told us that they don't believe a closed duct will have a huge impact on Brynn's oxygen supply or heart function while she is in utero because she gets her oxygen supply from me. Physiologically, very little blood is currently being pumped through the duct at this time anyway, and that it closing would not change that. The problem would arise after she is born and no oxygenated blood is being pumped through her body due to her heart malformation. It will be critical to reopen the duct as quickly as possible to prevent brain and organ damage. They will due this by administering prostaglandins immediately after birth (something they would do anyway since the duct needs to remain open in HRHS babies). She also explained the difference between the baby being "in distress" (super emergency) vs. "compromised" (critical but not necessarily life threatening). Unfortunately, there is no real way for me to tell if either situation is occurring unless I am hooked up to a monitor. For that reason she encouraged me to keep track of all fetal movement and to come in immediately if I feel like Brynn isn't moving as much or as often. I'm trying not to make myself crazy keeping track of this. Exp: I haven't felt a kick in the last 20 minutes. Should I call the doctor? Should I change positions? Is she just sleeping? You get the idea.

The Heart Center visit was also very promising. We had a really sweet (and gentle!) technician and Brynn was in the perfect position for good views of the heart. She was very fast and gave us a some views of the rest of the baby (she kind of looked like a human pretzel all curled up in there). We got the same doctor we've seen almost every time and she gave us the green light to come back in two weeks instead of one. All in all, we spent less than 3 hours at the doctors office on Friday, which is sort of a record for us lately. We go back to Stanford on Tuesday for our consult with the surgeon and the neonatologist.

I am feeling much less panicked about an early arrival and am relieved that I will actually get to attend my baby shower, do some more nesting, and get a chance to say goodbye to my clients and their families. Despite the good news I am still feeling kind of blue. This emotional roller coaster of disappointment and hope is hard to keep up with. I am trying to practice emotional and mental flexibility so I don't get too attached to any one idea of how things are going to be but I still feel all over the place.

I have really been trying to cultivate peace in my heart about our situation. Tony and I made a choice to have this baby, knowing that the odds and chances of her having a long an healthy life are pretty slim. I am grateful for every day that she remains inside of me, for every kick, every hiccup, every flutter. And I know that I will be grateful for every precious moment we have with her after she is born. There is a lot of uncertainty in our near future but I am trying to remember how blessed we are to have been given this little life, given our supportive friends and family, and given the amazing gift of love and devotion to one another. Please continue to pray for Brynn and for our family that we have the strength and the faith to make it through whatever lies ahead.