We keep on trucking...:)

What an amazing rollercoaster we are on! I wish I had the time and energy to post every day.

I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon. By far Tuesday was the most difficult day emotionally. It was one thing to be down the hall from my baby. Being 10 miles away is a totally different ball game. I must have burst into tears about five times. I cried leaving the hospital. I cried while I pumped and sniffed a little hat that smelled like her. I cried when we went back to the hospital and I stood over her little body still so puffy from fluid. I cried when I called the hospital and got an update that the nurse had come on shift and found her grimacing in pain and had to up the pain meds. Tuesday was a hard day. I felt like this was all going to be pretty impossible. Thank God for my very supportive husband who held me and told me everything was going to be okay.

Yesterday I felt much stronger emotionally as soon as I got to the hospital. I had to resist the urge to run to her bedside but once I got there I was able to relax and enjoy being close to her. Unfortunately, my physical body wasn’t doing so hot by the mid-afternoon. The dreaded post c-section constipation hit with a vengeance. I struggled in pain for close to 8 hours with no relief from any of the recommended remedies. Seriously, this pain made my contractions feel like a walk in the park.

We were minutes away from calling 911 since I was convinced at that point I had perforated my bowel and all I could think about was how I was going to lose my milk supply since I wouldn’t be able to pump. Finally, my mom stepped in with some heroic measures and saved the day. I will spare you the details. Lets just say she is an angel here on Earth who not only came to see me in the hospital every day but has cooked all our meals, packed my lunch, cleaned our room, done our laundry, and even helped her 30 year old daughter with an area no mother should have to see after their child is over age 3. I will say that Tony did offer but as my mother generously stated after it was all over “There are just some things a new husband shouldn’t have to see”. Luckily, Tony was able to go back to the hospital without me to say goodnight to Miss. Brynn and bring her a new hat and some booties to keep her tootsies warm.

I have been so incredibly blessed to have so much support through this first week. I truly don’t know what I would do without my Mom and my husband. Pumping would be impossible without Tony’s constant help and support. Since day one he has made pumping a team effort. He ties on the straps so I can pump hands free. He cleans all the parts, hooks me up to the pump, writes down and totals how much I have collected, and labels and refrigerates the milk. Remember that we have to do this 8 times a day, including in the middle of the night. I am gradually doing more and more of this by myself but I am sure I would have given up by now without his encouragement. God bless the nurse who hand expressed for me the first night I was in the hospital. I was so exhausted I fell asleep while she filled the little syringe that fed my daughter today.

Speaking of my daughter…she is doing fabulously. The first few days it was all about what they could add to keep her stable. Now, it is all about what they can take away. Yesterday they took her off the oscillator (special vent that delivered 200 breaths per minute in tiny little puffs and made her shake constantly). They put her on a regular ventilator yesterday, which she tolerated beautifully. Today they took her off the epinephrine and were able to start feeds after inserting an NJ tube (tiny tube through her nose that delivers food directly to her small intestine). They are hoping to take out one of her central lines soon (she has two, one through her belly button and one directly in her heart). And they are hoping that she will be off the ventilator over the weekend. She is still on lasix to try and get some more of the fluid off (I can relate with my puffy feet and ankles). They might begin her on the “tanning bed” lights tomorrow to decrease her jaundice. Her stats all remain stable and she continues to make daily progress.

Tony starts back at school next week and was able to go into his classroom today to get things set up. I am slowly getting into a routine of getting into the hospital around 10am in time for rounds, staying till about 2:30 and then coming home for a nap. We usually go back together in the early evening. Lucille Packard is an amazing place that really caters to parents in making them feel comfortable and offering so many amenities and so much support. (As a side note to any single men out there reading the blog, all of our nurses have been young, stunningly beautiful brunets with Ivey league educations and great personalities. Kind of intimidating as a puffy new mom who still has to waddle from the c-section pain but I’ll be happy to introduce you if you pay us a visit. :-) )